I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
