New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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