so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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