You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
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I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
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I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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