I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
