i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
