when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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