He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
