It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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