i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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