well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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