i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
