i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
