Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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