I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
