What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
