So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
