Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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