You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
