My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
