sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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