sarcasm needs its own font
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
