I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
