It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
