this just has baby written all over it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How does one acquire holy water?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
