So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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