I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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