I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
