They should really pass out barf bags in church
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
