hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
