She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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