Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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