You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
