I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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