Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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