I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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