Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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