So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Say something about gay babies.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
