i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
