don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
