i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
