Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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