If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
