Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think your dad took our porno
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
