if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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