capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
