After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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