Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
