I accidentally burped into my bong.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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