I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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