i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
