Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
3pm strippers are depressing
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
