My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize