I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
