hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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