just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
