I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
