I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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