The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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