You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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