At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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